I just found this tribe today and have read a bunch of threads...some great provocative posts here...think I'll be hanging out here for a while.

Anyway, my situation is this: I've been seeing a guy who I really like for about 2 months. From the beginning we've been "open"--he is very excited by the idea of having a "hot" girlfriend. He is sweet in many ways but obviously since it's a new relationship, there are trust issues to deal with. I've tried to be as honest and communicative as possible (as I would in any relationship), but it's daunting because he claims to have processed through the whole jealousy number, I don't know that I have, but as long as I don't feel that his extracurriculars are getting in the way of our time together, and that I'm the one he has sleepovers with, it's okay with me.

We went to a party run by some friends of mine last weekend but because there was no one there I was attracted to other than him, that hasn't really counted in his book as proof that I'm into 3somes (we're both straight although I like kissing girls; I adore MFM) and couple swapping. We're meeting a couple tonight who contacted us online (the online thing was his idea, but I've been the
writer/correspondent/screener) and I'm excited, but also feel put upon because he told me that his other girlfriends all said they were okay with the idea of his having sex with other women, but when it came down to it, they weren't. In other words, now I feel like I have to "prove" I'm cool with this, and when I feel manipulated, I can be quite the contrarian...maybe wind up not enjoying myself as much as I could.

I'm not sure what advice, exactly, I'm asking for...but I sense that my new boyfriend is much more compulsive about the non-monogamy scene, whereas I am more relaxed (well, not right now, admittedly!) and "when it happens, it happens" about it. But I've never had a romantic relationship with someone who was also a partner in various extracurricular activities. On the one hand, it's great not having to hide any of that from him--most guys hate it or think they could never take me seriously--but on the other hand, he gets so turned on that I will occasionally sleep with other guys that I wind up feeling like it's expected of me. Like he really did sound disappointed on the two occasions when I told him I hung out with a guy friend but just caught up with each other's lives over dinner.

As I said above, I can be a bit of a contrarian when I feel pushed in any particular direction, even if it's a direction I want to explore. We don't see each other more than twice a week, and I want enough alone time with this guy so we can continue to get to know each other--not just as sex bombs, but as people. I do have very intense feelings for him, but also realize that if it's only been 2 months, it's too soon to know what's going to happen. All I know is that I have zero desire to date anyone else, and he isn't seeing anyone else romantically, either. (I did raise the safe-sex issue with him--I have no intention of catching anything, and so our agreement is to only have unprotected sex with each other.)

Last weekend it hurt my feelings when he said that at the next party we go to, he wanted it to be more free-form, i.e. we split up and each find someone attractive to take into the back room, and not wait for the other. His rationale is that we're going to go home together anyway, but the whole reason I even want to go to these parties with him is so we can share adventures.

Obviously everyone has different comfort levels, but I'm just not sure I'm doing a good job communicating how I feel to him. I know if I felt more secure in his affections, I wouldn't be as anxious--but that takes time, and I don't want to rush or force any of that. Ironically, I agreed with him that it would be better to be open right out of the gate instead of waiting.

Thanks in advance for some fluid 2 cents....