Ah yes, finally stepping off the other million things in my world to say a few things about this tribe.

I created this tribe about two years ago because, as the description says so well, I found that the Ethical Slut and the other books on polyamory didn't quite fit both what I had been looking for in a relationship and what I seemed to notice in the communities of neo-pagan-tribal-hippy-freaks around me. They seemed to flow in and out of relationship like water from one pond to another, like going from dance partner to dance partner as the songs went by. And I was struck by the beauty of this, the apparent elegance of the dance of relationship they were in. Of course, I evetually found out that, like most relationships, there was always bit that weren't so pretty, but the model stuck with me, and I decided to see if it would be possible to create such a thing as a "fluid relationship".

So what is a fluid relationship? Spartaca's post was pretty close to hitting the nail. Basically, it is not any one type of relationship, and it is all of them. A fluid relationship is a bit of a "meta" relationship, one that can handle monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, and all the shades in between. At it's very core is a deep understanding of what moves you and what moves your partner, and developing a deeply conscious dance that follow both your movements perfectly. As such, it isn't one thing at all times, but it can be one thing for extended periods of time. Really, a fluid relationship is one that constantly strives for the perfect balance between both partners, much like contact improv is about creating a constant balance of weight and movement between partners. For a FL, the dance is energetic, however, and the senses that need to be developed are all about "feeling where your partner is" emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, etc, rather than physically. Fluid relationships are about allowing what arises in the moment between two partners, and having them serve the relationship as well as letting it serves them.

Esoteric stuff, no doubt. But when one starts to feel a relationship as a living organic being or in terms of a dance, a whole new universe opens up, and the health or elegance of the relationship starts to make a lot more sense.

Paget and I have been in such a relationship for the last two years, and what we have found is that it makes the most sense for us. It means that sometime we can be in an open relationship, sometimes something more polyamorous emerges, and sometimes we just feel like, for all intended purposes, to be monogamous. But it is clear that our relationship moves and grows, and it is clear that others see that and approach us differently as it becomes more mature. The respect, the consciousness, the honor that others -- lovers, friends, family -- communicate with us with is often surprising. And, there is often also a gross lack of the same from others. But would they do this if they really knew it doesn't serve us and our relationship? So we continue to communicate about her, tell others the name we have given her two years ago, for we find that it gives them something to hold on to.

We called her Afthonia, greek for abundance.

So we're not saying you should all go around naming your relationship (although it certainly was fun for us). What we are saying, though, is that the way we found to be better at this dance is to dive deep into who you are and who your partner(s) is/are, find out what moves them, what their "shit" is ('cause we all have some), and see if you can truly dance with them, with elegance, with grace, with that zen you sometimes find in the middle of a song you love while dancing wildly under the stars!

A bientot et avec amour,

Philippe & Paget
and our little community of two we call Afthonia

Mama, I'm confused by your perspective:

Why does someone who dates/sleeps around need to use use polyamoury label
as an excuse?

A slut is a slut , not that there is anything wrong with that!

But it sounds like maybe you need to be sure you are getting
involved with someone who is ETHICAL and HONEST,
whether that be with whatever label.

Personally, I've met as many lie-ing cheating supposed monogamists,
to make poly guys and girls look like scouts
(which is GOOD since I have a scout fetish).

Beki-

"unfortunately there are people who say they are poly, but are somewhat confused of what that means to other polys. it is not cheating, esp if you have the intent in life to have one love. it can mean sharing, open relationships, fluid, etc.... "

You said a mouthful.

It's painful to watch some polys try to squeeze others into boxes.

It's also painful to watch some polys disrespect other polys' agreements.

Either way, it really pays to establish what poly means to you, *especially* when dealing with other poly-identified people.