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Hmmmm....not sure how to say this except to spell it out.
I keep hearing stories about people getting genital herpes from receiving oral sex from people with cold sores.
It seems this is not an uncommon occurence. Especially since something like 75% of us get cold sores.
It occurs to me that we should start making dental dams and condoms with oral sex a part of normal play, unless we are with our fluid bonded partners.
I have never actually used a dental dam (although I bought some...) anyone have any ideas about ways to make this better? Or what is better, dental dams or saran wrap? Any ideas about condoms and oral sex with men? (Which I have found to be dry and not so hot...)
Anyone else voting to start making this trendy? (Philippe and Paget, I know that we as sexy beasts can make this a common occurence with a little promotion...)
I keep hearing stories about people getting genital herpes from receiving oral sex from people with cold sores.
It seems this is not an uncommon occurence. Especially since something like 75% of us get cold sores.
It occurs to me that we should start making dental dams and condoms with oral sex a part of normal play, unless we are with our fluid bonded partners.
I have never actually used a dental dam (although I bought some...) anyone have any ideas about ways to make this better? Or what is better, dental dams or saran wrap? Any ideas about condoms and oral sex with men? (Which I have found to be dry and not so hot...)
Anyone else voting to start making this trendy? (Philippe and Paget, I know that we as sexy beasts can make this a common occurence with a little promotion...)
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Albany / El Cerrito
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Re: Keeping it safe
Mon, May 8, 2006 - 11:02 PMI hear you! I would *love* for people to use condoms and dental dams more. Typically, the complaint I hear is around loss of sensation . . . so how can we work with that? Maybe we need a good workshop on how to use a dental dam/condom for blow jobs!
Philippe and I started, with our last little play event, to have conversations with people around their sexual history, when they'd been tested last, STD's, etc. and really tried to "normalize" it - not make light of things like herpes, but also create safe possibilities and no stigma around it.
I also think there's a false sense of comfort around oral sex. I know many people who will engage in unprotected oral sex and protected intercourse with literally anybody! While oral sex is statistically safer, it's still not totally safe! -
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Re: Keeping it safe
Tue, May 9, 2006 - 7:56 AMI am not arguing against using condoms and dental dams in any way, but I want to give a bit of the other side of this.
We take risks every single day in life that are far greater than unprotected sex. I don't say that to mean, "Oh well then the risk doesn't matter" because I know it does. However, most people believe that they are willing to take a certain amount of risk in life and unprotected sex is a level of risk many feel comfortable with.
I am extremely familiar (uhhh not through personal experience) with the risk of herpes, gonorrhea, syhilis, chlamydia ... however I am also much more up front about talking about risk level with prospective partners than most. I ask repeated questions about when people have had their last STD testing and I will not engage in contact with someone who is not very safe in their practices and who does not get tested often. At this point, only one of my partners has contact with anyone other than me and in order to keep coming to my bed you have to get tested every three months no matter what. Given this level of precaution I'm ok with the risk of unprotected oral. -
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Re: Keeping it safe
Tue, May 9, 2006 - 8:23 AMI agree that life is risky....
but I don't think anyone wants an incurable disease from oral sex....or from a casual partner.
Or wants to give herpes to someone from something as common as a cold sore.
I also think a lot of people don't know the risks. Including myself, I'm a pretty sex positive person and I really didn't know that risk until recently. I've had cold sores since I was a kid...and I had no idea about that until last year.
There is a false sense of security around oral sex.
Molly
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Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, May 10, 2006 - 2:53 PMWell said. We do take risks everyday. Whenever I get into my car, I'm taking a risk . . . and, I try to minimize risk by filling my car with gas, servicing it, etc. That's what I see you doing when you have conversations with people about their sex lives, STD's, and safe practices. What I'm seeing is a whole lotta people NOT doing that. That's where the dental dams & condoms come in handy.
I would love for other people to be as conscientious as you! I think it's great! However, many aren't. They feel shame if they have herpes or "don't believe" in testing or whatever . . .
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Unsu...
Dental Damns!
Wed, May 10, 2006 - 10:44 AMMY FAVORITE!
Lazy + Rich method:
You can buy them pre-made, in little packs like condoms.
Condom Method:
Take an unlubricated condom, scissors, and cut up the length of the condom, then spread it open.
Glove Method:
Same thing as the condom. Cut off the fingers where they meet the body of the glove, and then snip off the thumb. Cut up the side where the thumb was located, and open it up.
Saran Wrap Method:
Oh Gee! You can use saran wrap as a dental damn. Awesome. Just remember: DON'T use the microwavable saran wrap. That one has little holes in it to let the steam/air get through the saran so that your food doesn't explode in the microwave. So fluids can be transmitted through this one.
Now, Take your little sharpie marker, and make a mark on the corner of whatever you use. Make sure the mark can be read backwards, that way you will know which side touches your tongue, and which side touches the vag. So, write "Dom is Hot Ass" or "Who's Your Daddy" or "NY = #1" But don't make little stars, smiley faces, or peace signs.
Saran wrap and gloves are just as effective as a condom, but I don't know about allergies to saran wrap. If you are allergic to the rubber in condoms and those surgeon's gloves, I think the best thing is to invest in lamb skin condoms, and use those as dental damns.
Have fun kids! Be Safe! -
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Re: Dental Damns!
Wed, May 24, 2006 - 4:05 PM
I get cold sores but as far as I know I have never transmitted them to anyone,
but a friend a mine caught genital herpes from oral and it ruined her
connection with her lover and has been horrible for her.
i feel like I can tell when I'm feeling tender or might be getting one(prodromal),
and would never go down in that condition, and am always willing, if not excited
to use condoms/dams at someone's request.
I've found the grape flavored condoms accompanied by a bottle of cheap wine
to be a very fun time!
It would be cool to have a "using dental dam" workshop
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Re: Dental Damns!
Sat, October 21, 2006 - 3:19 PMI had always heard that lamb skin condoms do not protect aagainst all STD's, is this not correct? I have a severe allergic reaction to certain condoms... Trojans are EVIl but Durex works just fine. Condoms are always a must for intercourse with anyone other than my primary. Got into the habit of using gloves while at the burns, they are kind of fun!!! :) still trying to get used to throwing dental dams & condoms in for oral all the time. Akward adjustment there. I have recieved oral through a dental dam & although it was slightly different in sensation I had no complaints at all, yay!!! My cautiousness & concern over risks definitely affect my play. Not to the point of full restriction but I never seem to be able to just kind of go with the flow. I'm the communicating type, need to know everything :) I hope to be able to find a balance soon where I can relax a bit more but still be fully aware & safe. -
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Re: Dental Damns!
Sat, October 21, 2006 - 9:39 PMPaige, that's correct - lambskin condoms do not protect against STDs. -
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Re: Dental Damns!
Mon, October 23, 2006 - 3:55 PMWow! I have allergic reactions to Trojans, too...but not other condoms. I always thought it was maybe just their spermicide, but I can use other non-oxynol 9 products with no issues....
Trojans must be using something cheap in there. Glad I'm not alone!
Durex are non-latex...or many are. I don't like these because I feel like they pinch me.
I'm a total Lifestyles/ Magnums kinda girl!
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Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, May 24, 2006 - 7:02 PMI agree absolutely!
My oldest gets very severe cold sores and it occured to me that - Hey...this is a herpes virus, too....so when before he even became sexually active, I started encouraging practicing safe oral sex when he had eruptions...and even made sure he wasn't being a kissy face.
It is a very contagious virus and the only difference in it really is the location....
oh by the way....Lysine in tablet form can prevent and/or ease all but exceptionally bad ones - he also used lysine ointment after the outbreak with great success. -
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Re: Keeping it safe
Thu, May 25, 2006 - 1:57 PMwow. Are you ever a cool mom! Thank YOU!!
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Re: Keeping it safe
Sat, October 21, 2006 - 3:22 PMabsolutely!!! I wish my mom had been that cool. Would have saved me tons of time with that learning curve. As for the L-Lysiene, that stuff does work wonders. I have suffered with cold sores since before I was even thinking about being sexually active. They seemed to flare up more often as I got older... triggers such as stress I suppose but i've found that if I'm going through an exceptionally stressful time or super busy time or if I think I'm going to be out in the sun alot I'll supplement my morning vitamins with L-Lysiene & as you said with the exception of the absolute worst blisters it works wonders!!!! -
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Unsu...
Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, November 1, 2006 - 8:26 AMnamaste,
i prefer to ask my lover what he would like, and then we use whatever he prefers.
i have herpes II in my mouth and vagina, altho they are both under control and inactive now, i use protection (saran wrap, condoms, anti-viral gel) with everyone except one lover, altho we do use the gel.
even kissing is risky these days. unless you see that test result and they have ONLY used protection everywhere with everyone since the test, you are at risk.
it seems trivial now maybe to get herpes or HIV or any other STD? but there are long-term effects such as immune system breakdown, etc. that needs constant vigilance of special diets, sleep, no stress, open communication, etc to manage.
people lie ALL the time about STDs - why take the chance?
it is your health, and then every single person you are with after. i realized that if my self-esteem was higher in the past, i would have demanded total safe sex protection, i do now, after the fact. i come from the era of not using any protection for anything, it is WAY different now.
enjoy trying out your options! remember, you can suck holes into saran wrap, just be aware if you do and get another piece.
my kids will have to pass a STD and protection test before they want to be with people, well, i would like them too...they get a lot of information from me.
xo
beki -
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Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, November 1, 2006 - 11:59 AMWow Beki I respect your honesty - most of the people I have met with HSV2 lie about it. Way to go!
I just had an STD scare with a lover's lover getting back a positive result of what he claimed was HSV1 form a genital outbreak culture. Since my experience with people lying around HSV infection, I went ahead and got an HSV2 test - boy it was a long two plus weeks while I waited for the result. Finally came back negative yesterday on Halloween - how's that for spooky? Yay!
Generally I give people the benefit of the doubt - but then once I have a specific reason to think there might be some definable risk, I ask for written documentation of testing. Boy, did that cause a stir with my lover and her lover! At this point it's really not about trust, just about the facts. One or the other of them might not even have known what they had. Most people with HSV don't realize they are infected.
For those of you in SF, the SF City Clinic gives a full battery of STD tests, including HIV, syphillis, gonnhorea, chlamydia, HSV2, and many others for only $10!!! Here is their website:
www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcitycli...rvices.asp -
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Unsu...
Re: Keeping it safe
Sat, November 4, 2006 - 9:58 AMnamaste,
i am correcting my information, sorry, about the anti-viral gel,
<<The gel must be used with a latex condom or dental dam. The gel is not designed to treat any disease nor is it a contraceptive. Because the gel does not contain preservatives it must be stored in a fridge between use. >>
xo
beki
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Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, December 20, 2006 - 10:37 AMohhh, hate those scares!!! Those two weeks really can seem like the longest ever!!! I think it is wonderful that cities like SF offer full testing at such a reasonable fees. As it stands now I go in twice a year for the full spectrum of STD tests with my GYN & it costs me $180 some dollars out of pocket each time. I don't have new partners all that often. If I did I would be getting tested every three months to lower any risk of spreading something should anything happen. That could get especially costly, getting tested every three months. To add insult to injury (my insurance considers testing elective, WTF!!!! & they will not cover any of the cost) my doctor gives me the crazy run around evey time I request the tests!!! I think i need to find meself a new GYN and a new, cheaper testing facility.
As for giving people the benefit of the doubt..... it can be such a sketchy thing. It is rare for me to find myself in a situation with someone absolutely new. I normally interact with people who are friends, people I have had time to build some sort of relationship with before having sexual interactions with them. I always communicate openly & ask all the pertinent questions but as someone said... people lie... not always but often. especially when it comes to things that can be awkward to talk about & most especially when divulging the truth could impede their play experience. Not to mention as terrifying as it sounds there really are folks out there who are living with transmittable diseases that they themselves know little to nothing about. I have friends who have contracted life altering conditons from long time partners who for whatever reason chose to not share details about their status, so scary. We all need to be tested, know our status, share honestly & protect not only ourselves but all of the beautiful creatures who are willing to share in future experiences with us. Sex is too bautiful a thing to live in fear of it. We need to just be educated (in a true manner without the hype & propaganda) & follow through on our safety agreements. Have a preset list of "rules" or should we say guidelines that we follow regardless so that when we find ourselves caught up, inebriated, excited beyond belief we know what those guidelines are, have spoken about them beforehand in a clearheaded space & can follow through so that all involved have the best experience possible. This way once the haze of sexual excitement wears off we are left with blissful memories & much less of the "oh no, what was I thinking!!!" craziness that can so easily creep it's way in & tarnish a lovely experience. Let's love & respect ourselves more so that our partners know that we love & respect them as well!!!!!! -
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Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, December 20, 2006 - 11:13 AMYou might check with SF City Clinic:
www.dph.sf.ca.us/sfcityclinic/
They will do a full battery of tests for a $10 donation if you meet their criteria...
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Re: Keeping it safe
Wed, December 20, 2006 - 11:35 AMHas anyone else ever heard of or used monolaurin? It is commonly found in coconuts and mother's milk, and deactivates several viruses and bacteria, including some STDs. It is probably not a 100% guarantee against anything, but I know I have used it when I knew that a sex partner had herpes, and I haven't gotten herpes.
The site where I found out about this is www.lauricidin.com.
I'm curious to know what others' experience with it is, or what others may have heard or read.
Peace,
--Andy
